Saint's lease on his apartment is ending in a month. He has already given notice that he is moving out. He hates the place. And when you compare it to my apartment complex (I don't want to brag) but not much compares.
In his words, he is about 80% sure he is moving in with me.
(crossing my fingers)
I would really like him to move in with me. It is no secret I am in love with this man. That I want and see a future with him that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams. The time we spend together is good and healthy. We challenge each other, but in a way that makes us both better people. We look out for each other and though we occasionally argue or disagree, neither one of us feels the need to take it out on the other or hurt willingly. I love this aspect of our relationship. It is not something I have experienced before. This is the biggest blessing.
He is, I think, concerned for his roommate, Montana. He has had a bit of a rough year. I know he wants to be there for him. They have been friends for a long time. I understand this.
I think, a small part of him is also thinking about his freedom. The chance to live by himself. Which I have had and he hasn't.
On that note though, I have been contemplating all the things that will change if and when he moves in with me. The biggest in positives is I will be able to come home to him every night. To sleep next to him, feel his warmth, listen to his breathing (and yes, snoring too) and to know he will be there - is amazing. I feel like I never get to see him and when we leave I feel, I never got enough time with him. It is fleeting as we both have opposite schedules most of the time. Among the obvious, someone to help with bills and chores - he laughs because I already have a few things planned out. I hate dishes, he hates laundry - WOOT - done! And to have someone who is not only reliable, but responsible is frickin' awesome! A man who actually does what he says he does, unbelievable.
There are many more pluses, but the negatives make me pause. Only to realize I am being fickle and then they make me laugh. Things like having to share the tv (when I actually curl up on the couch to watch romantic movies, over and over again). What about when I really have to fart? What about when I don't feel like showering? What about when I wear the same sweats for days on end? What about when I am sick and have that hacking cough where plem comes out? How will he feel when I lose my mind (as it does happen rarely) and I drive him mad?
Will he still love me?
Things went sour when I moved in with my ex-husband. That is when we noticed we weren't compatible. Or at least, when looking back upon it all, that is when it started. That is when it went from good to bad. Then later, to worse. We both had expectations and neither one of us stopped to confer with the other. Granted, we didn't agree on much, not even the basics, so I am ahead of the game here. This relationship is nothing like my marriage.
But what if I haven't been showing him the real me? What if I don't know who he really is?
So many WHAT IF's. So many worries. So much scare.
BUT . . .
I love this man. I have ventured out and taken a huge risk with my heart. I am scared.
But I know it is all worth it. He is worth it.