Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Weekend for Lovers

I was going to have a review post for The Girl in the Steel Corset because my copy got fubar'd somehow and I wasn't able to finish it since it got stuck on page 110, but the publishers (who are totally awesome) uploaded a new file so I am going to review it, after I read all of it. Wohoo! Thanks to HarlequinTeen for responding to my email.

Instead I thought I would share my incredibly awesome weekend I just had with Saint. (yes, get the tissues) He is driving back to his home as I write this and I, alas, stay here because that is the kind of relationship we have currently. He lives over there and I live here. We live for our weekends together and were lucky enough to have a whole week together when we went to visit (and meet) his family in Louisiana last month.

He showed up on Friday where I was at the moment stuck in the office at work with my boss and co-assistant manager having a meeting. It was hard because I could hear the clock ticking away waiting to be excused so my weekend could start. But I recognize this meeting for the importance of my boss teaching us both how to "think" like store managers. I finally blew out of there and pulled up to my man in the driveway. His rental sitting in the driveway always makes me wonder what my neighbors must think when a new car is present ever couple of weeks. (snicker)

We kissed and embraced a million times til we conceded that we were both hungry. I had already planned to take him to a place I found this past couple weeks where the food was good and healthy. As we wandered in the restaurant I realized it was the first Friday of the month which meant the Art Walk was going on. Double bonus! We had dinner by the window (my favorite place to be) and watched all the people walk by. There was one couple outside sitting, eating with two dogs. The way people stopped, talked and stared, I'd have thought this was their first encounter with a dog. I mean, come on, they are eating. Or maybe that is just me?

We then wandered around downtown checking out some cool stores and grabbing a beer in a nice spot that had music coming from all sides. A bit much for the both of us, but especially Saint who had been at work that morning at 2am. I spotted the Crepes place I have been dying to try was FINALLY OPEN. So we wandered in, checked their hours and we headed home. Actually, I screamed OHHH! and then practically knocked him over trying to turn and see it.

We climbed in bed and read. This is one of my favorite things to do, though lately I fall asleep way earlier than Saint. I feel like reading together is so romantic!

In the morning Saint roused me out of bed and we ate breakfast before setting off on a small car ride to the lava caves. It is a set of caves that was made by lava flowing under ground. It is complete darkness and light must be taken to explore them. For someone as afraid of the dark as me, I was surprised when I was not only excited, but I suggested we go do this. Granted, I had no idea really what I was getting in to. (Pictures on Wordless Wednesday this week - tune in to see) We rolled down the windows and enjoyed the beautiful air and the gorgeous weather pulling up to the area after pointing out multiple places we would like to camp in the future. The caves are literally a hole in the ground. There are hundreds of large to small rocks piled up in the entrance that we had to climb down to get in. The entrance is dark and foreboding, but exhilarating as well.

We climbed right in and started hiking our way in the dark cavernous area. We had a flashlight each, though they recommend three per person, we figured out later (much later, three is probably for when one of us drops one, batteries goes dead, someone falls and dies, etc). It stays a steady 37degrees in the cave so it was cold. I made us don gloves, hats and jackets much to Saint's dismay at first (though he was glad later, lol).

I could not get over how dark it was. Clearly a place for scary things to be happening, but the reality was it was peaceful. At one point Saint, stops and asked me to turn off my flashlight - I asked, ARE YOU CRAZY? But then when I did, I was glad because it was so surreal. It was so quiet, except for our breathing, foot moving and the occasional conversation there was just nothing but silence and in a world of chaos, people and sound - we really enjoyed these moments of peace. We stopped at certain points to roll our flashlights over the walls and floors to see the reds, oranges, blues and whites that were somehow etched in. The floor was completely lava rock, some hard and flat, some platelets and others like mud. We ran in to a couple of places that had ice on the floor and water dripping through the ceiling. There were more than a few places where the ceiling was so low we had to crouch and crawl to get through. We passed one family on the way in and a handful of people on the way out.

It was beautiful and scary and completely awe inspiring.

Mental note, Saint recommended should there ever be a nuclear war that is where we will head.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, we crawled out of there with our stomachs growling only to go get . . . crepes!! I got one with bananas, chocolate and strawberries topped with walnuts and Saint got one with apples, cinnamon and chocolate. I was missing my mother greatly during crepes because this place is so quaint that I picture my mom and I there every time I walk by it. We went straight from the crepes place to a burger joint and shared a burger and fries.

We then wandered through town with our full bellies enjoying the people and the amazing weather. It is about 30degrees hotter where Saint lives (and where I used to live). This is brilliant weather.

Afterward, we got home and took a nap, though not before reading a few pages.

Saint then got a crazy idea to go buy a bbq and make some steak. Me? I just wanted to drink a beer, read and eat. I thought it was a good idea. He then threw a tantrum when while putting the bbq together one of the lug nuts fell through the slats of the patio floor. I went in and did the dishes. That is how upset I was for him!

We then settled in for the night in front of the tv to watch some episodes of True Blood season 2 which Saint had bought and brought along with him. I have read all the Sookie Stackhouse books, even the latest (check out my review) and we like the show, but neither of us has HBO anymore.

We then woke up Sunday morning to wander through the farmers market, make some lunch and we pulled down my Christmas lights (yes, I did just say that, though my dad remarked they could be July 4th lights - lol) and power sprayed the back of the house with soap and water to get rid of the cobwebs. Afterward, we drove into town to catch a mansion tour.

We then came back for one more nap and off he headed home.

It is such a blessing to have a relationship like ours. I know first hand how hard it is to be so far away from a loved one, but we are building our lives and hopefully soon we will meet in the middle somewhere and begin residing together on a daily basis. In the meantime, we both agree that we do a fantastic job of making every moment together count.

How was your weekend?


Why I love thee, let me count the ways

In honor of Valentine's Day I have a post dedicated to why I love Saint -
It is so easy to be with you. We don't really do anything, but we do it well, together.

You are always on my side (even when there isn't a side to take) and it makes coming home from a tough day, that much easier.

You have my gift long before we decide not to exchange gifts.

Even after the eighteenth text - in one day - of I love you, you still return the text with you love me.

The relationship you have with my cat, Izabel, is strained at the very least, but knowing that she may not be happy in our new city, you agree to take her if necessary. You also choose to switch sides of the bed with me rather than sweep Izabel off your side of the bed.

You are willing to push aside the mushrooms and other miscellaneous veggies that I like to eat and cook with which you are not a fan of.

For Band Day, you lent me your Guns N Roses tee.

You are willing to be on "alien watch" even though we both know it is simply because the scientist in you must know what that damn noise is that keeps me awake at night.

I am reading a book about religion and send you a text that I would like to go visit and stay in an Amish Bed n Breakfast, even though initially you are against it, you resign because you know it will make me happy (and it will give you something else to make fun of).

With bad knees and a work time of 3am, you are still willing and able to don a pair of ice skates and hobble around the arena listening to Justin Bieber on Teen night with a bunch of swooning middle age school girls and my niece.
And these are just a few of the reasons why I am so lucky to have Saint in my life.

Happy Valentine's Day peeps!!

One phone call can change your life

Just two weeks ago, I could have told you exactly where I would be and what I would be doing in my life for the next two years, but today I have no idea where I will be in a month.

All because of one phone call.

I got the call I had been waiting for - THE CALL. The job I really, truly feel I would be great in/at/for.

BUT

Oh yes, there is a caveat. Isn't there always?

The job resides in another city. One not too far from where I live now, but far enough it would change my life. Same state, different city.

And I am scared. Simply petrified. Every time I really allow myself to think about it, I feel sick. I want this. Don't I?

I don't want to lose Saint. Hell, we were planning on moving in together next month and now, I don't even know if we will be living together next year. He is very supportive and very excited for me. He says he will look for a job in that city, to move and live with me. BUT . . . . what if he can't? What if he changes his mind? Now I know rationally, this could happen regardless of me moving. I just was counting on having him in my life more regularly and now, I will see him even less than I do now. We are very lucky. In our relationship, we are very independent and very fine with living our own lives. We are not codependent nor needy. And when we do need something, we aren't afraid to speak up and let the other know. He himself, says we have a very solid relationship. What is good for me, may not be good for us. I don't know. I know I would miss him greatly.

My parents and my niece - it is incredibly sad. No more once a week family nights. No more picking up my niece from school and having her run full speed to my car when she sees it's me. No more stopping by for breakfast, anytime of the day. No more mother/daughter shopping trips. I have no idea how they really feel. They want to make sure I make a good decision for me. Haha, how very parental of them. I will be able to come home. It could be a day trip, if necessary, but more likely a couple day trip. It had to happen. I am 31 years old and have only lived on my own once in my life without being within 15 minutes or less of my parents.

I will have real seasons with snow. I will live in a small town.

There are so many things to list on a pro and con list, but the fact is, I have wanted this for quite some time. An opportunity to grow up. To be on my own. To start out brand new and begin a life of my very own. To etch out my career in a place I feel I can grow.

Life is about creating opportunity.

So here it is.

I will hear back from them Friday or Monday. Until then . . .

Too habitual to cohabitate?

Saint's lease on his apartment is ending in a month. He has already given notice that he is moving out. He hates the place. And when you compare it to my apartment complex (I don't want to brag) but not much compares.

In his words, he is about 80% sure he is moving in with me.

(crossing my fingers)

I would really like him to move in with me. It is no secret I am in love with this man. That I want and see a future with him that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams. The time we spend together is good and healthy. We challenge each other, but in a way that makes us both better people. We look out for each other and though we occasionally argue or disagree, neither one of us feels the need to take it out on the other or hurt willingly. I love this aspect of our relationship. It is not something I have experienced before. This is the biggest blessing.

He is, I think, concerned for his roommate, Montana. He has had a bit of a rough year. I know he wants to be there for him. They have been friends for a long time. I understand this.

I think, a small part of him is also thinking about his freedom. The chance to live by himself. Which I have had and he hasn't.

On that note though, I have been contemplating all the things that will change if and when he moves in with me. The biggest in positives is I will be able to come home to him every night. To sleep next to him, feel his warmth, listen to his breathing (and yes, snoring too) and to know he will be there - is amazing. I feel like I never get to see him and when we leave I feel, I never got enough time with him. It is fleeting as we both have opposite schedules most of the time. Among the obvious, someone to help with bills and chores - he laughs because I already have a few things planned out. I hate dishes, he hates laundry - WOOT - done! And to have someone who is not only reliable, but responsible is frickin' awesome! A man who actually does what he says he does, unbelievable.

There are many more pluses, but the negatives make me pause. Only to realize I am being fickle and then they make me laugh. Things like having to share the tv (when I actually curl up on the couch to watch romantic movies, over and over again). What about when I really have to fart? What about when I don't feel like showering? What about when I wear the same sweats for days on end? What about when I am sick and have that hacking cough where plem comes out? How will he feel when I lose my mind (as it does happen rarely) and I drive him mad?

Will he still love me?

Things went sour when I moved in with my ex-husband. That is when we noticed we weren't compatible. Or at least, when looking back upon it all, that is when it started. That is when it went from good to bad. Then later, to worse. We both had expectations and neither one of us stopped to confer with the other. Granted, we didn't agree on much, not even the basics, so I am ahead of the game here. This relationship is nothing like my marriage.

But what if I haven't been showing him the real me? What if I don't know who he really is?

So many WHAT IF's. So many worries. So much scare.

BUT . . .

I love this man. I have ventured out and taken a huge risk with my heart. I am scared.

But I know it is all worth it. He is worth it.

the slumber

I was sleeping this morning. Really sleeping. You know, when I could wake up. I know what is going on around me, but I can't seem to wake my brain. Instead, I go back to into my wonderful slumber.

I can feel Saint moving beside me.

I think, I hope he can get up and entertain himself. I do not want to wake yet.

I fall back into sleep.

Awhile later, I feel his hand on my leg and then he holds my hand.

How sweet, I think. But fall back to sleep.

Next I know, I hear him sigh. Deeply.

Shit, I know what that means. I force myself to wake up.

I stretch. I foll around. I rub my eyes. I drink some of my water. I get up and use the restroom. I brush my teeth.

I come out and -

Saint is passed out in bed.

For a half a second, I want to kill him. Ass.

I wake up and he falls asleep.

Then I realize my fortune. Free time. Alone time.

But he's still an ass.

(single) guy mentality - the proposal

Saint went golfing with the guys and came back with this story.

One of his friends, we'll call him Captain, said, "Guys, I gotta tell you something. I, I'm getting married." He looked devastated.

The guys (probably in unison) asked, "How the hell did that happen?"

Captain, "Honestly, I have no idea. One moment I was telling her that I thought we should talk about maybe getting married since we've been together for awhile and three days later, she bought the ring, picked a date and booked the place."

The guys answer, "Get out now."

feeling like a real life

I'm sitting here on my new couch. Brand new. Delivered today. The matching piece to the love seat I've had for a couple of years. The sofa replaces the tattered lazy boy a friend offered me when I moved out of my ex-husband's house (our house, whatever).

It feels good. Like a new life.

The continuation of a new life.

It saddens me a bit to realize that getting this couch makes me feel like my life is continuing on in a good direction. But being that it was so hard with my ex, it's also so incredibly understandable.

Evidence.

It's a new start. A fresh beginning.

It's why I needed to delete my old blog.

It's why I needed to upgrade to an apartment I felt worth of.

It's why I decided to accept the full time position at my second job that exemplifies what I want in life - living in the moment.

It's why I decided a half a year ago to love unconditionally, no matter if he chose not to return the love.

Moments are so precious and so few and far between that if I don't stop and enjoy each and every one as if it were my last, I'm missing the point of living.

So here I am. Sitting on my sofa that is so big if I stretch out I won't reach both sides.

:)

Reflecting.

Pondering my past. My here and now. My future.

I'm happy things worked out the way they did. It's sad that it's reality, but I am old enough to know that I am such a better person for it all. I'm not sure I would be so full of life had it not all happened.

I wouldn't know that the best way I can treat myself is to breath; to stop looking at the clock and breath. Love exactly who I am. Laugh at myself.

I wouldn't know that the best way I can love Saint is to remember he is his own person. Allow him his space and allow him to choose. And to not rely on him to comfort me. I feel the way I do because of my choices and how I choose to react. I can comfort myself because I am know how to make myself happy and what to do when I'm not. Not to be afraid to tell him how I feel and what I need.

I wouldn't know the best way to communicate with my parent's is to realize their love language. And to remind myself I don't need their approval because I already have it.

I am so lucky.

I am surrounded by loving people. It is evident in our family dinner this evening. We ate. We laughed. We discussed. We just lived. With each other. We loved.

If only the rest of the world were so lucky.

three little words with so much meaning

If you had told me a year ago that I would be where I am right now, I would have thought it not possible.

Last night I was stunned

by three little words

uttered to me

by my boyfriend

of a little less than a year.

He told me he loves me.

I was pleased when I heard him, but when I woke up this morning I didn't know how to feel. I was confused. I should be ecstatic, right? But I had this eeriness. Like I was waiting for something bad to happen. Like I dreamed it. Like maybe I pushed him into saying it because I can be an ass sometimes (i know you're shocked).

After all this time, one year since my divorce and over two years since I left my ex-husband I still am not sure I believe that I am allowed to be happy.

Not this happy anyway.

I never, ever thought it could be this way. I never knew a relationship could be this easy and this carefree. I mean when I am with him it is just so simple.

No confusion. No second guessing. No frustration. No arguing. No chaos.

It just feels effortless.

After five years of arguing, trying to one up me, fighting, telling me I was doing everything wrong and fighting for this life I thought I wanted, it is shocking to see such a complete reverse life.

The thought that this could be my life every day for the rest of my life is, well, it kind of leaves me speechless.

I mean, I want to marry this man. I do. I know that.

I see a future with him that if nothing ever changed from here on out - moving in together, marriage, kids, etc - I know I would be content. But the thought that I could settle down with this man and actually create a real life together is beyond anything I thought possible.

And for a complete hopeless romantic like me, that is amazing.

I feel almost like I don't deserve it. And I know that is the wrong kind of thinking.

I woke up this morning and asked him, "Did you really mean what you said last night?"

And without the slightest waver in his voice, "Yes I did."

There is no doubt in my mind that he does, in fact, feel this way.

Holy crap!

This is the first man in my life that I ever said the words I love you to knowing I would not hear those words back. I mean, I wanted to hear them back, but for once I am trying in my life to not expect things; to not presuppose life. I just want it to happen the way it will happen. I will always think of the future and remember my past - I feel this is the only way to really know who you are and where you are going. But I am also trying to LIVE in the here and now. Enjoying each and every moment as if they were my last. And I have realized that this is a truly wonderful way to see the world.

So about a month ago, though honestly I knew months ago, I told him I loved him. Without any qualms if he never said them back to me. I said it because I felt it. I had been feeling it. And I simply wanted him to know how I felt.

No conditions. No strings.

Because I know that even if he up and decided he didn't want to be with me someday, I KNOW that I am so lucky to have had this time with this man who has shown me what a life of love can be like.

I love this man. This man who is so incredibly wonderful to me. He treats me so well. He takes care of me. He considers how I feel. He wants to be with me. His actions speak so much louder than his words, but dear god his words are heard.

And holy shit, he told me he loves me back.

What can I possibly say that might ever top this feeling I have? I am numb and covered in shivers all at the same time.

(oh and I mentioned that his nickname was Raindrop and he expressed how girly that sounded so my mom and I came up with Saint because he is such a Saints fan and he is kind of a saint to me, not to be corny)