Families are Messy

Driving home from my first official sewing class, I was contemplating that morning, struggling to get through yoga class while trying to keep my cookies down and not pass out. For some odd reason, I couldn’t seem to focus or stay on my feet during this particular class. As I was working my way through the sun salutations, I flashed back to the previous evening where almost instantaneously after eating dinner and working on a half full glass of wine, I felt sick. And disoriented. Twice in a couple of days. Add to that the appearance of acid reflux, which I rarely ever have, feeling off, overly tired and the fact that food has been tasting weird.

As I am pondering all this I realize, I may be pregnant. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, I COULD BE PREGNANT. After that, I couldn’t get home fast enough to take a pregnancy test that I had left over from the last scare.

At home, my niece (who’s sixteen) is fast asleep on the couch and my fiancé is freshly showered and lounging on the bed. He looks up as I race in to the master bathroom and rip open the cupboards, furiously intent on finding that stupid box. Unfortunately, after much rumbling around, I still cannot locate it. I sit back on my heels and notice my fiancé eyeballing me. He raises a questioning  eyebrow and I spill the beans. His immediate response, “I know you are not pregnant, but I will go get you a test if you want.”

“Really? You would do that?” I am relieved and shocked. I forget so often how stinking sweet and kind he is ... he is very tall and often wears this somewhat menacing look that screams, “Don’t mess with me!” I am also very used to just taking care of myself. Relying on men, other than my father, is not something I'm used to.

The entire time we are driving to the store, I keep thinking about how we are getting married in about ten months. How having a baby right now is so not what I want. I want to have a beautiful wedding with my family and friends, dancing and profusely professing our love for each other. I am also in between jobs which equates to no health insurance.

I look at my fiancé and say all of this out loud. He responds, “Well, then we will go get married and, voila, you’ll have insurance.”

He is always so calm, so reassuring. It can be annoying!

I will be starting a new job soon and being pregnant can’t look good to a future employer. I am hiking Alaska in a few months, too, so that would definitely put a kink in the wilderness plans.

Again, I voice my concerns. His reply, is “Well then we will have a baby and then get married.” And all I can think is I don’t want to have a wedding with a kid. I want, for once, to do it right. But then it dawns on me - WHO THE HELL DECIDED WHAT IS RIGHT?!

I mean, why is it considered normal for a couple to date, get engaged, marry, buy a house and then have kids? Very few people I know have actually gone the "normal" route. Families are divorced, single, have adopted kids, rented studios, are living on a boat, farming the land, babies sleeping in drawers. Why is this standard of normal even in my head?

There are few days that go by that I don't wonder why I am so lucky to have this man in my life. Today it was Nigella Lawson and the incident with her husband grabbing her neck. Never would my guy ever raise a hand to me in any situation. Never.

It has taken me ages to meet the man who I will spend the rest of my life with and I couldn’t have found a better guy. Really. He is the man who I can, for the first time ever, favorably compare to my father. They are good to each other too. They go golfing, talk about  business, grill steaks while drinking a beer and smoking cigars. My guy brings my mother flowers and texts her with questions about what I would like for gifts. He takes my niece to scary movies, plays X-box with her and spoils the crap out of her. This is the first time in my life I have met someone (other than my parents) where I can lean back, trust and be truly free. I am able to experience life, explore who I am, and have someone special to share it with.

So why am I worried about being pregnant?

There is no good time to have a kid. Really, at what age is the best? If you are younger, you can grow up with your kids. If you are older, you are wiser (maybe), more adaptable and have lived a little. I am so grateful to have the love of a man who I can comfortably raise a child with at any time.

Families are Messy

Driving home from my first official sewing class, I was contemplating my morning where I was struggling to get through yoga class while trying to keep my cookies down and not pass out. For some odd reason, this particular class I couldn’t seem to focus or stay on my feet. As I was working my way through the sun salutations, I then flashed back to the previous evening where almost instantaneously after eating dinner and working on a half full glass of wine, I felt sick. And disoriented. Twice in a couple days. Add to that, the miscellaneous times I have felt acid reflux, which I rarely ever have. I have also been feeling off, overly tired and food has been tasting weird. As I am drinking water and contemplating all this I realize, I may be pregnant. HOLY MOTHER OF ALL, I COULD BE PREGNANT. After that realization, it really was a long yoga class. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough to go home and drag the test from last time’s false notice to try again.

I got home, my niece who’s sixteen is fast asleep on the couch and my fiance is freshly showered and lounging on the bed. He looks up as I race in to the master bathroom and rip open the cupboards, furiously intent on finding that stupid box. Unfortunately after much rumbling around, I still cannot seem to locate the damn box. I sit back on my heels and see my fiance eyeballing me. He raises an eyebrow. I spill the beans. His immediate response, “I know you are not pregnant, but I will go get you a test if you want.”

“Really? You would do that?” I am relieved and shocked. I forget so often how stinking sweet and kind he is, as he is very large and has this look that screams “don’t mess with me!” I am also very used to just taking care of myself. Relying on men, other than my father, has not ever been the case.

The entire time we are driving to the store, I keep thinking about how we are getting married in about ten months. How having a baby right now is so not what I want. I want to have a beautiful wedding with my family and friends, dancing and profusely professing our love for each other. I am also in-between jobs and therefore, have no insurance to speak of. I look to Owen and speak this out loud. He says, “Well, then we will go get married, have the paper and viola, you’ll have insurance.” He is always so calm. He is always so reassuring. It can be annoying. But it’s rare. I will be starting my new job in a few months, so being pregnant can’t look good for a future employment. I am hiking Alaska in a few months too, so that is definitely going to put a small kink in the hike.

Again, I voice my concerns. His reply, is “Well then we will have a baby and then get married.” And all I can think is I don’t want to be having a wedding with a kid. I want, for once, to do it right. But then it dawns on me - WHO THE HELL DECIDED WHAT IS RIGHT?!

I mean, why is it become normal for a couple to date, get engaged, marry, buy a house and then have kids? Very few people I know have had this. Families are divorced, single, adopted kids, rented studios, living on a boat, farming the land, babies sleeping in drawers. Why is this standard of normal even in my head? I, myself, am divorced. And happily.

There are few days that go by that a reason doesn’t come to me why I am so lucky to have the man I am going to marry in my life. Today, it was Nigella Lawson and her incident with her husband grabbing her neck. Never, would my guy ever raise a hand to me in any emotion or situation. Never.

It has taken me ages to meet the man who I will spend the rest of my life with and I couldn’t have gotten a better guy. Really. He is the man who I could, for the first time ever, compare to my father. But I have no need. They are so good to each other too. They go golfing, talk about  business, grill steaks while drinking a beer and smoking cigars. He brings my mother flowers and texts her with questions about what I would like. He takes my niece to scary movies, plays X-box with her and spoils the crap out of her. This is the first time in my life I have met someone (other than my parents) where I can lean back and be truly free. I am able to experience life and at the same time find out who I am - with someone else to share it with.

So why am I worried about being pregnant?

There is no good time to have a kid. Really, at what age is the best? If you are younger, you can grow up with your kids. If you are older, you are wiser, (maybe) more adaptable and have lived a little. At least I have a man who I can comfortably raise a child at any time we happen to have a kid.

It is SO sad; Nigella Lawson

I am so sad for Nigella Lawson.

No one will really know what happened in that restaurant or what is really going on in their relationship, except them, but the fact that her husband cannot come forward and admit he made a drastic mistake and hurt her (emotionally and/or physically) is so sad to me. I think this, in and of itself, is the worst part.

A true, loving partner would be able to admit he made a wrong judgement in grabbing her throat, regardless of the fact that "there was no grip." Even if it was not done in public for all the press to see and the restaurant staff - who did nothing. A husband still made a gesture that could inflict harm FROM HIM to his wife.

I think it is despicable that he tells police that "it was a playful tiff." Who gives a crap?! If it was a tiff, call it what it was - an argument, a disagreement where HE GOT OUT OF HAND. Stand up and be a man. Be a good man and admit you were wrong. There is never a reason to grab ANYONE (man or woman) by the throat unless you are physically protecting yourself from harm. And is is very obvious from the photos that in no way shape or form was Nigella capable of harming him, sitting across the table and being half the size physically.



For that reason, I feel so sad for Nigella and her relationship because without honesty and without accountability, nothing will ever truly be healthy in that relationship.

Article quote taken from USA Today
Photo top, left courtesy of USA Today

Review: The Bane by Keary Taylor


Title: The Bane
Eden Trilogy #1
Author: Keary Taylor
Publisher: Keary Taylor Books
Publish Date: June 1, 2011
republished Mar 1, 2013
Ebook, 408pages

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I requested this book through NetGalley knowing this is exactly the kind of book that keeps me awake at night. I love adventure, fantasy, end of the world, girl facing the world, vulnerability and strength. This book has it all!!! I feel like the review who's answer is only two words - LOVED IT!

Eve is such a wonderful well-rounded character who is content with her life even though she cannot remember anything before she was found and brought to camp. She has a routine and friends, but she doesn't have to need or want anything. Life is simple. Til West comes along and ruins it all. West is found beaten and battered and containing a pull from Eve that makes her feel things she has never felt before. She likes what she feels with West, but the closer she gets to him the farther she gets from herself.

Will she be able to maintain the solidity that she has felt for years or will she give in to temptation?

 Eve is also fighting The Bane, the machine driven virus that stole the bodies from the humans by just one touch. She is strong and able to keep up with the men. She holds her own, but she doesn't let anyone see her vulnerability. Til West.

Oh my I would love to tell you more, but you really have to read this book. Anyone who continuously is pulled in the fantasy and adventure books will love this.

Second book in the Eden Trilogy will be out June of this year!!

The Human 

Now I must go find the other books by Keary Taylor!!

Summary -
Before the Evolution there was TorBane: technology that infused human DNA with cybernetic matter. It had the ability to grow new organs and limbs, to heal the world. Until it evolved out of control and spread like the common cold. The machine took over, the soul vanished, and the Bane were born. The Bane won't stop until every last person has been infected. With less than two percent of the human population left, mankind is on the brink of extinction.

Eve knows the stories of the Evolution, the time before she wandered into the colony of Eden, unable to recall anything but her name. But she doesn't need memories to know this world is her reality. This is a world that is quickly losing its humanity, one Bane at a time.

Fighting to keep one of the last remaining human colonies alive, Eve finds herself torn between her dedication to the colony, and the discovery of love. There is Avian and West – one a soldier, one a keeper of secrets. And in the end, Eve will make a choice that will change the future of mankind.

The Bane is The Terminator meets The Walking Dead with a heart-twisting romance.

Previously published as Eden, due to reader demand it has been revamped and rereleased as The Bane: book one in The Eden Trilogy.

Review: Unseen by Karin Slaughter

Title: Unseen
Will Trent #7
Author: Karin Slaughter
Publisher: Delacorte Press
Publish Date: July 2, 2013

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I was pretty excited when I was approved to read this NetGalley book by Karin Slaughter. I have wanted to read her books for a long time, but for some reason I would forget her when picking out a book. Yes, this book is the 7th in the series, but I have read books mid series and found not too much is lost. I feel this way about this book. There was little from previous books that made me feel I missed some serious information.

The characters of Will Trent and Sara were so well developed I just immediately wanted to root for them to win. Again, not having read any of Karin Slaughter's books I don't know if there is a formula to her books of people being killed and resurfacing later. I didn't know how far she has developed Will Trent (the main character) to know if this would be his last book or not.

Will Trent is a government investigator undercover as a bad boy excon. He is infiltrating a serious gang of killers and drug dealers trying to locate the man at the top. Unfortunately no one has met or see the boss, so knowing who it is and trying to figure it out was so much fun. I find it a good thing I am not good at picking up on who is the real killer, as I am too busy enjoying the read to actually stop and figure it out. But Karin Slaughter makes it really difficult to not imagine everyone is the killer. She writes so well that I had like four people picked out til the end. I was so gung-ho on this book I couldn't put it down. I will also be getting this book for my mom who loves these types of books, though she will prefer to read from the beginning of the series.

My favorite part of the book has to be when Will Trent is using his alter persona bad boy ex-con Bill Black (or Bud). It was hilarious when he would, in his head, refer to what Bill Black would do or say or act. It really made it fun.


Summary -
Karin Slaughter’s New York Times bestselling novels are utterly riveting and masterfully drawn. Her latest thriller, Unseen, pits detectives, lovers, and enemies against one another in an unforgettable standoff between righteous courage and deepest evil.

Bill Black is a scary guy: a tall ex-con who rides to work on a Harley and trails an air of violence wherever he goes. In Macon, Georgia, Bill has caught the eye of a wiry little drug dealer and his cunning girlfriend. They think Bill might be a useful ally. They don’t know that Bill is actually a Georgia Bureau of Investigation agent named Will Trent. Or that he is fighting his own demons, undercover and cut off from the support of Sara Linton—the woman he loves, who cannot be told of the risk Will is taking.

Sara herself has come to Macon because of a cop shooting: Her stepson, Jared, has been gunned down in his own home. Sara holds Lena, Jared’s wife, responsible: Lena, a detective, has been a magnet for trouble all her life, and Jared’s attack is not the first time someone Sara loved got caught in the crossfire. Furious, Sara finds herself involved in the same case that Will is working without even knowing it, and soon danger is swirling around both of them.

In a novel of fierce intensity, shifting allegiances, and shocking twists, two investigations collide with a conspiracy straddling both sides of the law. Karin Slaughter’s latest is both an electrifying thriller and a piercing study of human nature: what happens when good people face the unseen evils in their lives