big brother blog info

I am completely addicted to big brother 12. Completely.

It is what I do in my down time. Realizing this, I try to ween myself off of this. But I find myself wanting to know what is going on in the house. I am following the live feeds thanks to Saint's roomie, Montana who gave me his information.

If you are following, these are the other ways I watch big brother12 -

I am rooting for Britney and Lane. Really odd because it took weeks for me to really find someone I liked. Usually I know from episode 1. Not this season. I find this season to be totally different.

I am shocked at the amount of cussing and bad mouthing that goes on in the house. They do a crazy job editing this for tv.

At the same time, I am deeply annoyed with how much editing goes on. It is about four days past the actual "live" things that are occurring. So watching the live feed I know at least a day in advance what is happening. Then comparing that to what they show and how they put it together on the one hour episode is very interesting. They really do a good job portraying people in the light that the show wants them to be. I like that this season talks about this constantly - their on tv persona and how the producers encourage it all.

This feeds the nosy aspect of my personality. I would love to go through people's mail, look through their windows, etc. I don't obviously, I just love people watching. In college, I would find a table to study at and then pretty soon be so completely distracted trying to guess what others were majoring in with regards to their clothes, actions, etc. I should have majored in Sociology.

It is fascinating how short sighted they are. How one hour can completely erase what happened earlier. How a chaotic situation with screaming and emotions flying can distract from the plan of evicting someone when the person was thinking clearly. How they mimic each other and make fun of them. How after a few moments of time, they can accurately fit in to the conversation and become almost a group of one person. I find it deplorable how in one room they are all friends and in the next they massacre the others making fun and saying truly horrible things. I laugh at the way, when someone is on the block or close to a person possibly being evicted, they talk about how this is game play to keep them in the house when in reality they are just trying to save their own butts. The interactions, to me, are simply fascinating. As Montana said, "it's like watching rats in a maze."

I sit here and listen to all the different ways they are portrayed in the media. How Kathy is called a "cockblocker" and wonder how will she feel, how will her family feel, when she finds out they have been calling her this the entire time? What about Rachel and how she prances around in dresses so short they are misinterpreted as shirts? Ragan speaking about how he is "third best" at given some guy he has sex with head and that he was offended to only be third best, but after finding out how many people he has been with he is now complimented?? And yet, we all sit by and watch this kind of thing happen. Is this real life? Is this a messed up reality? It is like watching a train wreck. I cannot look away. I am so torn, I want to help them, but I also want to watch it all play out.

Check out this article here talking about when the media got a free pass to tour the BB12 house.

Are you watching? How do you feel about it all?

randomly crazy thinking kinda thoughts

It is inevitable that after a long, slow day at work with maybe a handful of people each hour that two minutes before I get to close someone will walk in who is "just looking" which is code for "I just want to walk around wasting time and touch everything so you have to go back and fix it all."

I do not like to do dishes. Could I just have someone come over and do them for me? I realize I live alone and only own one set of dishes. Actually it is not even a complete set as I have broken a bowl and a small plate. Damn, add that to the list of things to buy. I keep forgetting. Anywho, I really just don't like to do dishes. It is so repetitive. And if I was really smart, which apparently I am not, I would immediately wash out that one bowl or plate and set it on the side where it would dry. Then when I need a bowl or plate I would just use that one. Nope. Not happening. Back to beginning of paragraph - WANTED DISH WASHER.

It is NOT a good idea to use the stove after I have to work a closing shift. A) it is late at night b) my brain just doesn't function as well at night because engaging both my body and my mind at the same time = not happening. Example - putting a pot holder in one hand then lifting the boiling lid with the other = oops! Just do not cook late at night. period.

I am feeling funny lately. Anyone else have this? I honestly, just say sh*t. Whatever comes out. And then I laugh. I think maybe I have the giggles. Or something.

I would like to have a third arm/hand. It would make it easier to scratch that elusive place on my back and is ALWAYS itchy, but I can't reach. It would also make putting on my lidocane patches a skosh less painful. It would make carrying groceries up three flights of stairs cooler and quicker. I could then text and drive at the same time, since I have given that up. OH! I could blog while feeding my face!! And now I no longer want a third arm/hand because I feel fat.

Please someone drag my lifeless body from the evil-liptical machine

Since I started working at my current retail job, I have gained enough weight to move up two dress sizes. Which for me, it is a bit much. Shut up to all the people who say, "OMG you're not fat! I would kill to have your figure." Well, you know what? It is all relative. I may look skinny. I may wear a size 0/2, but the fact is I too can feel and look fat without much avail. So shut it! Let me be. Just because I am not a size 12 doesn't mean I am not overweight. It is about a person's figure and what weight is good for them.

I have always been the same size give or take 5 lbs. I have been lucky, swimming for a decade in jr. high, high school and college blessed me with a serious metabolism that has lasted me another decade. Sadly, it has finally caught up with me. Granted, the fact that I quit smoking this year (holy cow, yeah me!!) and haven't worked out in about four years may affect that a bit. But I try not to focus on any of that.

I told myself when I "felt" fat I would do something about it. Now is the time. I feel it.

Last week I gave in. The belly that has suddenly protruded over my pants is disgusting me. I can't take it anymore. The uncomfortable feeling I have in my pants - that they are just too tight - is horrible. I have actually upgraded a few pairs of work pants just so I can be somewhat comfortable. I like to call them fat pants. I could have even gone up another size just to be really comfortable, but I am hoping to lose enough weight to be able to wear both the skinny pants and fat pants one day soon.

In past years whenever I started working out, I would have instantaneous results. I would get up and be excited and relieved to be working out. I would feel good through the entire workout. I would be energized. I would feel healthy. It would all be goodness.

This past week to put it mildly fucking sucks. I hate working out. My body hates me working out. Every piece of me screams during the entire workout. It isn't like church anymore where though I want to go, I just have to get there and then I am good and enjoy it. No. Every moment before, during and after sucks to high hell. I hate it. My body hates it. There is no joy in working out. Other than the fact that I want this large piece of ugly fat off my belly.

I have reached a new stage. I am officially at that stage in life where things will not just melt away. And I am really pissed.

It has been over a week since I worked out and I am praying it will get easier. I am praying it will get more likable. No matter the music I listen to - which in my life always makes things better - I am still struggling through every workout. And hello, my body fucking hurts.

I may be overdoing it just a bit, but seriously not that much. I am pushing myself because otherwise I would weiney out and not do anything. I am not willing to waste a second of workout time. If I am going to do it, it will be worth it.

Usually I workout every other day. This time I decided to work out four days a week with a day off in the middle and I am sorry, but who works out on the weekends? I got over that the minute I stopped swimming professionally. Not gonna happen.

I do elliptical and stretching most days and I do yoga one day a week. Over the course of the next couple of weeks I will add weights (because it is the reason men lose weight faster than women, because after weights your body continues to workout vs just cardio) p90x abs ripper and other various p90x workouts. I don't do them as instructed, in order or with the book. I use p90x to feel a good workout. I don't worry about doing it the entire hour that is required. I do it until I have a good sweat and feel a good hard workout. Then I am done. I stretch to cool down.

Being an athlete I know my bodies limits and how hard I have to workout to get results. Or at least I used to. This may have changed too.

As far as food, I don't mess with it too much because when I crave something I won't let it go til I give in. The two things I have changed this time around is, I am eating grapefruit - half each day and I am adding Fiber One bars to my snacks. I like the chocolate better than the peanut butter, though I have not tried the other flavors. I am also eating as much fruit and vegetables I can muster. I have found that the more I eat healthy the less hungry I am. Though I do wake up each day with a hunger relative to that of a starving lion. I am trying to eat three meals a day and a snack in between. I allow myself a small dessert each night or a cookie during the day. I get low blood sugar if I don't have something sweet.

I also drink water like a camel all day long. I have a water bottle at work and in my car. My goal is to fill it up three times a day.

As far as portions go, I half what I normally would eat. I fix my plate as I normally would and then I take half and pour it into a plastic container. If it is on the plate, I know it is fair game. When I am at a restaurant I not only push my plate away, I move it out of reach to the end of the table. With sandwiches I eat the whole sandwich and skip the chips or allow myself a handful for the taste. If I am hungry later, I eat a snack - yogurt, watermelon, cheese stick, etc. I try to eat heavier earlier in day or lighter in the evening and I try not to stay up late because I snack then. Having a routine is a huge plus when working out.

I wish Saint would start working out again (but it is his choice and I try not to hold it over him) because it is highly beneficial to have a partner and I love to workout with men. Thankfully my mom is still working out. So we occasionally text each other on when and how we worked out. I feel less alone in it all and when things suck, it is very good to have a friend.

Have you ever done it, worked out with a guy? I highly recommend it. It pushes me to work harder and they are so helpful in weights. They can tell me the correct body form, push the weights. I know some women don't like to workout in front of men, but the fact is, it helps. I know I don't look great, but I try to remember how I feel when watching men workout. It is sexy to me. So I tell myself that they think that about seeing me. But mostly I do it because when I swam I was always swimming in the lane with the guys and I got used to their mentality - they get in, workout hard and get out. They don't mess around and they don't worry about what other people think of them. They keep it simple. I think this is a good mentality for working out.

For week one, I am a bit disappointed that it hurt so much so consistently, but I am focusing so much on the fact that I actually got up and started it. Sometimes that is all I need to help what I know will be a big difficult task ---- simply, to begin.

Wordless Wednesday - Izabel being needy

Anyone who says cats are not friendly and cuddly, do not know my Izabel. Here is an example of me on the computer and her needing attention.

What you can't see is the ferociousness with which she is leaning and pushing on the computer screen. It usually moves all the way open and closed while she is scratching her face on it.

And then, she will sit there and stare at me until I pay attention to her.

Wordless Wednesday (sortof)

Post It Note Tuesday - click thru post-its

What will you say with a post-it note?

Today is all about INTERACTIVE post it notes.
Each one is a click thru -
click on each to be taken to further explanation
or pic.

the news reel - subliminal loops

Have you ever sat and watched the news for say, hours and hours on end?


Me either.

Uhm, except for the other morning.

I have had the news on since a little after eight am. Yes, on a day off, I woke up after eight am. Life is good. Minus a brief change of channel for one hour to watch Martha. Yes, that Martha. The one with all the cool ideas and a small stint in the big house.

ahem, i digress.

The news people, how long do they stay out in the terrible accident areas? A few hours? Thirty minutes? Or all day long? Bc I really have to wonder.

Were they really only able to get about a dozen good shots in the time they were there?

The only ones they keep showing - all. morning. long. - suck. Yes, they suck. (insert four year old description)

Seriously, give me a camera and I could get better shots, different views and more graphic detail than they acquire and RESHOW for hours on end. Why don't they have someone who goes out every couple hours to get NEW SHOTS? Or I don't know, maybe they could set up a camera that takes automatic shots.

This is how we get our news????

I am deeply disappointed.

sigh, love rocks

Seriously, people, can this get any better?

Here I am sitting on the couch while the coffee is brewing, typing away on my computer while Saint sits on the couch next to me reading his book (one of my favs too - Nelson DeMille Charm School) while Tuesday is crashed out next to him. Izabel, if you must know (snicker), is lounging in front of the coffee table and keeping watch over the house because heaven forbid something happen while someone is not watching. (she is very suspicious of everything)

This is THE BEST Sunday morning.

I woke up and Saint was gone. I got up, fed the kitties and then crawled back into bed. Later, while dozing in and out, Saint snuck back in with groceries. He crawled back in to bed and we had some cuddle time. I showered (because sadly I have to work today) and then threw coffee in the pot.

Now, here I am.

It is so quiet. I can hear myself typing and the coffee percolating. Occasionally, I can hear the soft, but low "brrrrrr" from Izabel tooting that "all is well." But mostly, it is just quiet and ever so peaceful.

Is this how marriage is supposed to be? (without getting too far ahead of myself, given that Saint and I are not married, nor even living together) (another snicker)

Is this what a real, relationship is like?

Because man have I been missing out.

Once again - sigh, love rocks!