I'm going to ramble today (and it's all blogger's fault)

I was trying to write a post last night and blogger would not let me into the system, so eventually I gave up and went to bed only to wake up and realize I didn't have any posts under draft to just post. So here I am writing down all the sad and weird things that got stuck in my head. Let's start with the most obvious and grossest, shall we?

Dear Yoga people,
Before you put on your yoga clothes to check for holes, stains, sheer or see-through areas. Now let me tell you, I do not oogle people in my classes, but we have many times worked with partners doing handstands or other such nonsense and I right away notice really gross things like crotch stains or sheer pants in the butt range. When you are close and personal with a stranger, I am trying really hard to find the appropriate place to look and it can be difficult not to notice these things. So take a moment and stretch in front of the mirror before class, yes?

My home doesn't have air conditioning, something I am sure my realtor mentioned while looking through it originally, but alas not something I paid attention to until my recent trip home to walk in the house that was so stuffy and hot I couldn't breath. I waited a couple of days with the windows open at night to try and see if that would cool the air, nope. So I went out and bought an ac fan which did nothing but annoy my cat, Izabel because of it's noise. Then I bought another one, thinking it would help lower the temperature and because it was a good price. And that would also be a no, it didn't work. So off I went to Home Depot and looked around only to find a pretty good price on an indoor unit that holds water. Does anyone else despise assembly??? Once it was put together and the reservoir filled up, now it is nice and cool in my place, albeit humid as well, but I don't mind humidity. Oh and it sounds like my bedroom is in a wind tunnel because the darn thing is so loud, but beggars can't be choosers.

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and a half (like a kid who's birthday is in seven months and six days, no?) and I am dying not being able to see him all the time as we live in separate towns. He won't propose because he doesn't like having to tell people his wife lives in another city which I totally get, but I occasionally turn in to a psycho woman who is planning a wedding, life and children with a man who has yet to propose or marry me. The other day I decided my wedding color will be green, as it is my favorite color, I was even imaging a beautifully simply white gown with a large green satin bow. Seriously, crazy.

The last four or five books I have read have somehow or another been about crazy serial mass murders and I just noticed the other night that I can't sleep. Odd, no? So I have made myself put down the crazy books in lieu of sleeping and instilling a bit of happiness into my head again. I have been reading all the teen fiction books of love, high school meanness and a few christian fiction again. Any good, happy books you recommend?

I dragged my boyfriend's bookcase out in to the hallway so I could fill it with the books that have been stuffed into my night stand and are now becoming a small safety hazard as they spill out of the nightstand on to the floor. I have a shelf for the James Patterson Women's Murder Club series, a shelf for the TBR list and the shelf of books I have read. My mom also knitted me this beautiful book cover in cream with a pink ribbon that I decided makes a better decoration than use and I put it center of the shelves. I have all of these extra books that I've read, that are just sitting there and I am thinking about doing an entire week of giveaways to get rid of them. Whadya think??? Do you have any giveaway tips?

Such Randomness I don't know what to do with it

Do my cats count as an additional person in the car while driving in the carpool lane? What if I have two cats in the car, does that make a difference?

Take my advice: do not eat JuniorMints in bed, inevitably one will be lost only to be found - stuck to the comforter, sheets and my upper arm.

There is just no real great way to sleep with a cat on either side of my bed, not to mention when trying to sleep in - well, they don't really like that and when I have one on each side, there's no escape. Literally. I wake up, just a little and hear WEOW! I crack open an eye and one is right there, in my face, WEOW!! So I roll over and get licked on the nose - which if you have ever had this happen it's nice, but not pleasant and it continues til I get up or smother myself with the covers.

I know I have said this a million times before, but my boyfriend totally rocks. Exhibit A: He lives in another city and yet I can still get a text from him that makes me sigh like Barbie in Toy Story 3. (wait for it, it's at the very end of that video clip)

Speaking of movies, does anyone else (other than me) continually throughout each and every day quote Despicable Me? I am SO in love with that movie. I can't stand it! I watch it all the time. My favorites are - Lightbulb! --- It's so fluffy I'm gonna die! --- It was your cousin's idea. WHAAAAT?!!? -- Banana --- Do I look like I speak Spanish? You have the face como un burro. --- Curses you tiny little toilet!! ---- Why are you so . . . old? --- Yes, yes I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works. --- okay so I quote THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I am a complete freak.

Do you believe in feelings and intuition when meeting people? I was helping people out on the salesfloor the other day and I swear I had this guy ask me for help who, I kid you not, the level of feelings of "I'm a serial killer" was off the charts. My skin was crawling like never before. I literally did all I could to get away from him while covering my name tag and trying to be as little like someone who he might want to capture and torture. Then turned around and I helped this guy who was so nice, only to have one of my people tell me "That is what a pedophile looks like." This led me to really consider how each of us experiences these feelings of intuition about strangers so different.

I have a bicycle and a bike helmet and am dying to ride it, but WHERE should I go? I can't very well go ride for lunch like I'd like to do because what if I feel too fat to ride back? I can't go to the grocery store or Target bc they are way too far and I don't have a basket to put the things in. I could just go and bike around, take some pics or something, but I am not sure I am comfortable biking on trails by my lonesome. Does anyone have any better ideas?

What is your favorite board game? Saint and I just taught ourselves to play backgammon and I enjoy it. (he only enjoys it when he wins) Mostly, I think I enjoy it because I remember watching my parents (very fondly) play it while I was growing up. Everywhere we went they pulled out this really nice wooden backgammon set.

I would not recommend eating a bean and cheese burrito smothered in green sauce on the day of yoga class. I'm just saying, um'k?

I have tried a few new foods in the past couple of weeks - grits - which on first try were tasty, but second a bit dry and grainy; chutney - oh hells yum especially served on a corned beef sandwich.

And on the subject of food, I have been enjoying humus though it reminds me quite a bit of the yeast ball scene in the movie, Baby Mama. (photo courtesy of rawfoodrightnow.blogspot.com)

Courier Needed for Coffee & Breakfast delivery

The last couple of days off I have had, I crawl out of bed and only crawl because though I love my cats having them breath in my face for hours til I finally get up and feed them, isn't the greatest. I go feed the kitties and while I am in the kitchen I think, "I should brew some coffee and take breakfast up to bed with me so at least I eat now."

WHAT DO I DO?

NOTHING!

Instead, I feed the cats and head directly back to bed. Where I spend the next three or four hours on the computer, reading or such. Hours go by and I wish I had brewed some coffee or as my stomach growls I wish I had carried breakfast up.

Saint, my BF, then gets a text that says, "Please bring me breakfast or coffee. Dealers choice." Who coincidentally is at least a two hour drive away. lol Thankfully he humors me.

I feel so lazy these last couple of days. Especially in the mornings. I just don't want to get up. I simply want to stay in bed and play.

So I have decided to put an add up for a courier who will bring me breakfast in bed. Sadly it doesn't pay anything. I'm getting the feeling I won't get many calls.

randomly crazy thinking kinda thoughts

It is inevitable that after a long, slow day at work with maybe a handful of people each hour that two minutes before I get to close someone will walk in who is "just looking" which is code for "I just want to walk around wasting time and touch everything so you have to go back and fix it all."

I do not like to do dishes. Could I just have someone come over and do them for me? I realize I live alone and only own one set of dishes. Actually it is not even a complete set as I have broken a bowl and a small plate. Damn, add that to the list of things to buy. I keep forgetting. Anywho, I really just don't like to do dishes. It is so repetitive. And if I was really smart, which apparently I am not, I would immediately wash out that one bowl or plate and set it on the side where it would dry. Then when I need a bowl or plate I would just use that one. Nope. Not happening. Back to beginning of paragraph - WANTED DISH WASHER.

It is NOT a good idea to use the stove after I have to work a closing shift. A) it is late at night b) my brain just doesn't function as well at night because engaging both my body and my mind at the same time = not happening. Example - putting a pot holder in one hand then lifting the boiling lid with the other = oops! Just do not cook late at night. period.

I am feeling funny lately. Anyone else have this? I honestly, just say sh*t. Whatever comes out. And then I laugh. I think maybe I have the giggles. Or something.

I would like to have a third arm/hand. It would make it easier to scratch that elusive place on my back and is ALWAYS itchy, but I can't reach. It would also make putting on my lidocane patches a skosh less painful. It would make carrying groceries up three flights of stairs cooler and quicker. I could then text and drive at the same time, since I have given that up. OH! I could blog while feeding my face!! And now I no longer want a third arm/hand because I feel fat.