feeling like a real life

I'm sitting here on my new couch. Brand new. Delivered today. The matching piece to the love seat I've had for a couple of years. The sofa replaces the tattered lazy boy a friend offered me when I moved out of my ex-husband's house (our house, whatever).

It feels good. Like a new life.

The continuation of a new life.

It saddens me a bit to realize that getting this couch makes me feel like my life is continuing on in a good direction. But being that it was so hard with my ex, it's also so incredibly understandable.

Evidence.

It's a new start. A fresh beginning.

It's why I needed to delete my old blog.

It's why I needed to upgrade to an apartment I felt worth of.

It's why I decided to accept the full time position at my second job that exemplifies what I want in life - living in the moment.

It's why I decided a half a year ago to love unconditionally, no matter if he chose not to return the love.

Moments are so precious and so few and far between that if I don't stop and enjoy each and every one as if it were my last, I'm missing the point of living.

So here I am. Sitting on my sofa that is so big if I stretch out I won't reach both sides.

:)

Reflecting.

Pondering my past. My here and now. My future.

I'm happy things worked out the way they did. It's sad that it's reality, but I am old enough to know that I am such a better person for it all. I'm not sure I would be so full of life had it not all happened.

I wouldn't know that the best way I can treat myself is to breath; to stop looking at the clock and breath. Love exactly who I am. Laugh at myself.

I wouldn't know that the best way I can love Saint is to remember he is his own person. Allow him his space and allow him to choose. And to not rely on him to comfort me. I feel the way I do because of my choices and how I choose to react. I can comfort myself because I am know how to make myself happy and what to do when I'm not. Not to be afraid to tell him how I feel and what I need.

I wouldn't know the best way to communicate with my parent's is to realize their love language. And to remind myself I don't need their approval because I already have it.

I am so lucky.

I am surrounded by loving people. It is evident in our family dinner this evening. We ate. We laughed. We discussed. We just lived. With each other. We loved.

If only the rest of the world were so lucky.

3 comments:

SandyCarlson said...

Your life is beautiful. Gorgeous post. Enjoy that furniture!

Misguided Mommy said...

yeah i want to see the couch

jayayceeblog said...

Your couch ... and you ... are beautiful! It was a lovely evening - thanks for dinner!