I was freaking out a bit. I think the worst thing I could possibly think of in life is to be blind. Every thing I love to do is with my eyes - books, scrapbooking, photography, swimming, movies, etc. Not to mention I am afraid of the dark. As an adult, I have been able to get my fears under control, but at times I do still sleep with the light on and have that feeling when I turn off the hall light to "run like the devil is at my heels."
I kept telling myself that it is good. Nothing will go wrong. No worries. I love my doctor. I think he will do a top notch job.
Regardless, a very small piece of me is scared sh*tless. Without my glasses or contacts, I am considered legally blind xs3. Yes, that is correct TIMES 3! Which means I cannot see a thing. Thankfully, I have had good parents who always made sure I had nice looking glasses that had been expensively filed down and rounded to look thinner. As an adult, I have tried to remember what it was like as a child and make glasses and contacts something I know are important.
I have decided to make a list of all the reasons I hate wearing glasses and contacts.
- people who do not wear glasses or contacts do not understand - imagine wearing your sunglasses all the time only you have to wear them, it's not optional, and they decide what you see and what you don't see. They cost minimum $200 each time, every year and contacts are $20-$60 every month, every year for the rest of your life.
- they scratch
- they smudge
- they tear
- they crease
- they get dots (which on a contact on your eye is like having Saturn in front of you)
- they get fingerprints on them
- there is a reflection of blinding light regardless of whether or not I spent an additional $100 on reflective coating (but it's way worse if I don't get it - like not tinting your car and living on the face of the sun)
- can't wear sunglasses and glasses at the same time
- wearing prescription sunglasses, getting in to the store and then remember that your glasses are in the car
- can't dye my hair, pluck my eyebrows, put make-up on or do anything with my face WHEN my glasses on
- can't see in the shower without contacts - this means no shaving
- if the wind blows my contacts get dirt in them and my eyes sting for hours
- i wake up and have to put my eyes on or in
- can't lay down and have glasses on (they move)
- when I smile my glasses move a bit
- if I tilt my head I can't see bc there are sides to the glasses
- doing any kind of physical activity with glasses on makes it hard bc the glasses slide all over
- I get smudges on my glasses when kissing
- when I go on a plane I have to take my contacts and glasses carry-on with me
- if I get close to a dog/puppy they inevitably lick the glasses
- they are expensive
- if I go from hot to cold weather, my glasses fog
- when I steam clothes at work, my glasses fog occasionally
- going to a water park with glasses or contacts is a nightmare
- going anywhere with dust, dirt or grime is a nightmare
- people automatically assume I am a nerd or uncool
- taking out my contacts and realizing I have no idea where my glasses are
- wearing a hat or headband with glasses is not going to happen and if so, it's uncomfortable
- get headaches from the glasses arms resting on my ears
- even though they say 30 day contacts, my eyes get tired after a week of wearing them
- putting in contacts I touch my eyes and it doesn't always go well - if I have a towel fragment on my finger, wipe off the mirror to see and it gets dirt on my finger, drink out of my coffee mug and there is sugar on the handle BEFORE I put my contacts in
A day later, my right eye is perfect. I can see 20/20. My left eye has weird halos or reflective light depending on the light - dark, it's shadows; bright, it's spotlight type. But I can still see so incredibly well. My left eye is 20/15 - better than perfect!! And the light will fade as my eye recovers.
I woke up and rolled over to see the clock . . . on my microwave . . . in the kitchen. . . . over 15 feet away!! Miracles do come true.
It is crazy. When I came out of the surgery, still on anesthesia and saw my mother I started sobbing, "I can see you! and I can see that nurse over there - her face and her features so clearly!" Complete shock. I did get sick from the anesthesia well, mixed with the two things of apple juice I sucked down as fast as I could after the surgery, but I felt better the moment they were out of my stomach. Worth it!
The surgery was scary the entire time. I was awake. I remember it all. The lights and darkness. The shadows. The people talking, the music in the background. The pressure. It was all surreal. I imagine it was a bit like being abducted by aliens, but with a better outcome.