Just two weeks ago, I could have told you exactly where I would be and what I would be doing in my life for the next two years, but today I have no idea where I will be in a month.
All because of one phone call.
I got the call I had been waiting for - THE CALL. The job I really, truly feel I would be great in/at/for.
Oh yes, there is a caveat. Isn't there always?
The job resides in another city. One not too far from where I live now, but far enough it would change my life. Same state, different city.
And I am scared. Simply petrified. Every time I really allow myself to think about it, I feel sick. I want this. Don't I?
I don't want to lose Saint. Hell, we were planning on moving in together next month and now, I don't even know if we will be living together next year. He is very supportive and very excited for me. He says he will look for a job in that city, to move and live with me. BUT . . . . what if he can't? What if he changes his mind? Now I know rationally, this could happen regardless of me moving. I just was counting on having him in my life more regularly and now, I will see him even less than I do now. We are very lucky. In our relationship, we are very independent and very fine with living our own lives. We are not codependent nor needy. And when we do need something, we aren't afraid to speak up and let the other know. He himself, says we have a very solid relationship. What is good for me, may not be good for us. I don't know. I know I would miss him greatly.
My parents and my niece - it is incredibly sad. No more once a week family nights. No more picking up my niece from school and having her run full speed to my car when she sees it's me. No more stopping by for breakfast, anytime of the day. No more mother/daughter shopping trips. I have no idea how they really feel. They want to make sure I make a good decision for me. Haha, how very parental of them. I will be able to come home. It could be a day trip, if necessary, but more likely a couple day trip. It had to happen. I am 31 years old and have only lived on my own once in my life without being within 15 minutes or less of my parents.
I will have real seasons with snow. I will live in a small town.
There are so many things to list on a pro and con list, but the fact is, I have wanted this for quite some time. An opportunity to grow up. To be on my own. To start out brand new and begin a life of my very own. To etch out my career in a place I feel I can grow.
Life is about creating opportunity.
So here it is.
I will hear back from them Friday or Monday. Until then . . .