I am so exhausted. Inside and out. My entire body and my brain is just kaput!
It has been a very long, but very exciting week at my new job. The first couple of days were so frustrating in realizing all the little things I do not know. I understand that I will not walk into a job and immediately know how to run the place, but my brain still wants it to be that way. All the questions I ask and the ones I ask multiple times make me feel small and stupid. Having a customer ask me, what I feel is a simple question and me not knowing how to answer it, is horrible. But by day 3, I realized that I just cannot continue on berating myself. I sucked it up and decided to toss the inferiority feelings aside and just bite the bullet. I am now feeling much more comfortable in my own skin. I trust that if I don't know something, I will learn and it is ok to not know. My 4th day this week, we did an event and I was right at home. I have been in so many different settings like that, trade shows, networking meetings, etc, that tons of people and chaos doesn't phase me so much. It felt good to know that the times when everyone else is stressed out, I was perfectly fine. It is the little stuff, the extended knowledge that I need to focus on. Though the store I am training in is different that the one I will actually work in, I know that the underlying basics are the same. I also know, and happily is reinforced daily, that I am a good manager and that will sustain me until the knowledge kicks in.
It amazes me how I can go into a place often, feel like I know a lot, but stick me behind the counter and a whole world of knowledge I didn't know existed opens up.
I love it.
I am surrounded by people who are just as nerdy and crave knowledge. People who love to read and write and aren't afraid to show their true colors.
Taking this leap and accepting this job was a good decision for me. I can feel it in every one of my bones, even when I am frustrated with myself.
Even though I am tired, there is not time to sleep. I need to go to my new city and finalize a place to live. Apparently they already got their first snow fall. (ack!) Then thankfully, I will be in training for another couple of weeks before I move officially. Which means Saint and I get to live together for a couple of weeks. (yeah!!) It is crazy here. My apartment looks like a furniture store. There is stuff everywhere. I caught myself staring at his clothes in the closet. It is strange and wonderful all at the same time. I haven't figured out how I will pack around all his stuff, but I am sure it will all work out just fine.