Review - But I Love Him by Amanda Grace

Title: But I Love Him
Author: Amanda Grace
Publisher: Flux
Publish Date: May 1. 2011
Paperback, 264 pages

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This book broke my heart. Each and every page made my insides cry. When I wasn't in tears, I wanted to strangle the main character, Ann. Though I totally understand why she fell in love and kept loving Connor, but to keep the love alive when it's obvious that love is the main reason for being together. Well, I know from personal experience that love is not enough.

The pain that this couple goes through, together and apart is tragic. I find it sad that they couldn't be together and yet, I could see from the beginning why. I really enjoyed the way Amanda Grace told this from the end to the beginning. It really gave good perspective on how Ann came to where she was.

The continuous angst of watching Connor go through his life taking care of and protecting his mother knowing she gave up everything, including him, to be with his alcoholic and abusive father and then to turn around and not see that he is doing the same thing to Ann, his girlfriend. It killed me.

To know that her mother doesn't know how to reach out due to the death of Ann's father and her friends, out of respect and not-knowing let her go is so sad.

All these connections, all these feeling and thoughts and Ann still continues to dig deeper in to the horrendous relationship with Connor. Oh man, the first time he hits her . . . Amanda Grace is a spectacular writer. Even with such a touchy and sad subject. She writes it so well. Maybe a little too well.

Summary -

Tonight was so much worse than anything before it. Tonight he didn't stop after the first slap.

At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved — and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything — and everyone — in its path.

This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.