Reverb10 - Everything's Ok - What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
Woke up feeling a little like a kid on Christmas. Excitement is building.
Need to still make No Bake Cheesecake. Gotta go to the grocery store for milk and eggs. One more work shift. I have company coming over tonight. SAINT IS COMING HERE!!
It is absolutely amazing how hard it is to be away from him. And yet, it makes me realize just how good we will be together - or apart. I know that we can live together. I know that we can live apart. Not that I want to live apart, but sometimes life just gives you curve balls. My father is a sales guy and in the past has been gone most weekdays. I never wanted that in my life, but I realize that when you have that person; that guy that completes you and makes you better, it's okay. It's not great, but it is definitely okay. I hate to use these words, but it does all come back to being a WILLING and ABLE participant in the relationship.
When I am sad, he is able to help ease the pain. When I am gone, so far gone missing him, past reasonable, he knows to let me be. Let me work through the pain. I get the occasional text that says, "Hey I love you!" (go ahead, it's okay say Ahhhhh) He fills me in on how things are going with him. We get out our frustrations. Hell, he communicated more with my mother than I do. He took my 14 year old niece to look at Christmas lights and drink hot cocoa.
He just gets me and allows me to be me. He knows how important my family is to me and he enjoys being with them too.
Course I honestly know it has nothing to do with him. It is all me.
I made the choice awhile back to be who I am with him. It was easier than trying to woo him and then bam! here I am. I did that already and it doesn't work. I wanted to be able to ask for what I need and see how he handles it. I wanted to be able to be frustrated and unreasonable and helpless and see where he landed. And surprisingly, he passed every time. It may take him 10 minutes to process, but he gets it.
I also chose to let him be him. If he is annoying occasionally. Oh well, so am I. (and so on) But I also paid attention to the warning signals. We did have a pretty good argument a long time ago and I told him that what happened was a deal breaker. We talked it through and I realized something, I could set boundaries and he would do his damnest not to cross them. Wow, amazing to date someone who respects me and I respect myself enough to tell him.
So in essence, I never really knew WHEN it happened, but I do know HOW it happened. I chose to just be me and let the chips fall where they may. I have made mistakes in the past trying too hard to be perfect. No more. Saint gave me a quote frame that says, "Just be me. I can't screw it up."
The life lesson here, be me. Just be whoever it is I am.
It's like grooming my hair. If it wants to be crazy one day, let it be. Don't try to tame it because the minute I let my guard down it will pop up like Mary.