The Massage from Hell

I have been working my Yoga practice like I am training for a yoga marathon. Fact is, I love this type of yoga. I get so excited during class that I work my butt off. Literally. I have sweat dripping down my forehead during class. I feel refreshed and renewed after each class.

Then I had this one class recently and for some odd reason I felt like I was in a boxing match with demons on my mat. I was sweating. I was struggling to breath correctly. I hurt and I wanted to cry. I was tired. I just felt like everything I did was so much effort. Until one pose I felt something twinge and my feet started to go to sleep. You know, that pins and needles things. It was weird. Here I am trying to stand on one leg in tree position and my foot is literally asleep. Have you ever tried to stand when your foot is asleep? What about standing on one leg? It's quite hard, I'll tell you.

My feet never really woke up after that. I did quickly cut back and not push myself as hard, since the whole feet asleep thing does slow me down. I walked out of that class with rubber legs. I felt like I was picking up each foot and putting it in place, just so I could walk. I went home thinking I would feel much better after a good nights sleep.


I woke up with tingly feet still. Very weird to try and walk when my feet felt so well, non-existent. They felt like they were fading, disappearing. I didn't have a choice. I went to work like that. I did get a chance to call my dad, who is very knowledgeable in this sort of thing and he said to ice/heat and stretch. But after a day and a half of this, I was ready to see a doctor. Then a friend of mine said how great she felt from a morning massage.


I went straight back and made an appointment for one. Maybe this would save me a trip to the doctor's office. Or . . . it could be the death of me.

I made sure at my massage they knew why I was there - possible pinched nerve in my lower back. If anything, I would not let them just ignore that. They then suggested a type of icy/hot procedure they could use. Yes! Sign me up. I love icy/hot and if Saint lived here, he would have been doing that to me every night since my yoga twinge. The masseuse started me on my back and rubbed my shoulder blades and neck. Can I just say, that HOLY COW I HOLD A LOT OF TENSION IN MY SHOULDERS! Whew! Okay got that out. Then she did some cool pulling of my arms and rolling me in half to crack and stretch my back. Yum! Felt really good. Then she had me flip over onto my stomach.

DIGRESSION: Does anyone else feel a little odd being naked, alone in a dark room with a total stranger? Or is it just me?

Ahem. That said, I flipped over and the massage began on my back. Oh yes, did your palms into my back muscles and push as you slide your palms down the ridges of my tense back muscles. Oh sorry, it was just really nice.

When she got to my legs, I knew this is where I really needed the massage, but what I didn't expect was to have sounds coming out of me like a horrible B porn movie. As she slide her forearms over my calves, from top to bottom -


When she pushed on my thighs and rolled down the muscle -


When she touched and pushed on my arch -

HOLY CRAP that's a 10! (the masseuse wanted me to tell her if the pain went above a 7) That's a 10!!!

Then I started giggling because seriously I really hoped no one could hear me. Which then in turn, made the masseuse start laughing. It was fun. Even if it hurt like hell.

Apparently, I had knots in my calves, and thighs so tight they were like a rock. Oh, and one in the arch of my foot.

Hey I am a star pupil when it comes to doing yoga with my toes in the air. Try it! It really does make stabilization easier.

To say the least, I had a really fun time with the masseuse. She was a kick and seemed to know exactly what she was doing. I felt great when I left. And the morning after, I still feel pretty darn good.


Pepsi Breath said...

Seriously, girl, you gotta remember that yoga is a road to zen not to a finish line. Go easy on that body!

jayayceeblog said...

Laughter is the best medicine?!?! It's been a long time since I had a massage. Had one in Acapulco once and the masseuse was this tiny little 4 foot tall woman and when she walked in the room I thought, "Oh no, this is going to be a light massage." Lord, she nearly killed me and stood on a stool to do it!