How I met my House Party

I drive into the apartment complex, so excited to even be looking with, honestly, not much chance of being able to rent here. But I have to know. My lease is up in about six months and I have to at least look at this place

I get out and take a deep breath just knowing that it is better air here; better everything here. This place could mean the beginning of a beautiful future. I just know it.

Almost five years ago (at least) I remember driving by this place and thinking how much I would love to live here. It is right next to a wonderful shopping center. It is at the epic center of highways. In the middle of the city. Out of the way, but in the way too.

I could just imagine myself walking across to the shopping center and wandering through the stores; people watching with my coffee in my hand. Enjoying the beautiful weather and gorgeous surroundings. It is like a cross between Manhattan and San Diego. (i think) A great place for a singe gal starting over. A place to get out and be someone, even just in my off time.

As we walk through the apartments I am trying to prepare myself for disappointment. It was just a little over a year ago that I moved into a closet of an apartment because that was all I had in my bank account after my husband and I broke up. My life had been ripped apart and I was a complete wreck.

This apartment signified a new change in the course of my life. It meant I had finally begun to arrive where I wanted to be going. It meant that I had been going in the right direction ever since. It meant things were possible and maybe I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life. It meant being alone all those nights surrounded by boxes of crap and wondering how I had ended up here actually may have been worth it. Worth something.

It had huge windows. It had a kitchen big enough to cook in and a counter/bar that overlooked the living room AND dinning room. The living room had more than enough room that I could lay down on the floor fully extended and not have to move any furniture or boxes. It had a spare bedroom for my crafting. It had a master bedroom that looked like it could fit more than a bed.

A real live apartment. A real live place to live in.

A place that could possibly compare to one in tv or a magazine.

I wanted this apartment because I wanted this life.

Now here I sit. I have been in my lease for almost six months now. I look around and wonder how it was all possible. I have made so much happen in my life. Not that I have ever been one to sit by and let life happen to me. Oh no, I am a pursuer of life. But when life had me so down I wasn't sure I would ever get back up and now I know that anything is possible again.

It is a cautionary tale that I remind myself of, well a little less each day because I am trying to enjoy the fact that I have made good choices and continue to make good choices. I don't have to live my life scared anymore. I don't have to worry when life is bringing me happiness that something will come by and tear it down. I don't have to worry that living in the moment is because I may not have them tomorrow.

Life heals.

We move on.

As I do and continue to do. In my cute, still dream like, real life apartment.

(our suburban cottage asks the question, how did you meet your house?)