can you really kill someone with kindness?

There is this person I know, which I found out recently has been speaking ill of me behind my back doing so well at making me believe that they are my friend, and yet, it's obvious that they are not.

HOW CAN PEOPLE BE LIKE THIS?

It definitely serves their purpose to be back stabbing because if something happens to me they will benefit, so it is in their best interest to do what they can to bring me down. And yet, I am not sure why they chose this avenue, rather than to help make me successful because in the end, it makes them successful too!?!?!?! But whatever, they suck!

I would love to confront this person. Okay, that is a lie. I don't like confrontation, but I would do it in this situation, but because the people who told me, said so under the strictest of confidence I cannot reveal their identity. It is a moot point to bring it up. I have no evidence. No one to back me up. I just know this is happening.

What else do I do?

I am really crappy at being mean. I am not one of those that thinks on my feet well. I get caught up in the feeling sentimental and sympathy for people. Because if they are mean obviously they are unhappy and maybe just need a friend.

WTF!!! IS WRONG WITH ME???

This person is making things harder for me. Being horrible. This person is making me look bad. And here I sit wanting to be nice.

So what do I do?

My philosophy has always been to kill people with kindness.

If you are mean to me, I perk up my chipperness to the point where it annoys you. Can you think of someone who is so nice it makes you sick and you are like, this person is annoying, but eventually you find yourself smiling. See? That is how I get even.

Or I ignore you like the plague. Which really wouldn't help my situation here.

Thoughts? Ideas?

I can't very well higher a hit man, now can I?

Wordless Wednesday - kitty reception

Will I ever get tired of posting pics of these incredibly beautiful kitties??

Wordless Wednesday

happy birthday to me

Today is my 32nd birthday.

I had an absolutely fantastic time with Saint Sunday morning having breakfast. I then got some free time to go see the movie, Going the Distance (thumbs up!) and enjoyed a wonderfully peaceful lunch at Red Robin (thanks for the AWESOME birthday coupon for a free burger) while I read my current book, Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner and drank one of the BEST STRAWBERRY LEMONADES ever. This was all followed by a nice family dinner at Olive Garden where I think we all partook in the endless pasta bowls. My sister was in attendance which was the highlight for me. It has been a long time since we have relished in a real old fashioned family dinner with all of us present.

in my perfect world

I feel sick. Sick to my core. My stomach is so hollow, yet a large rock resides within it echoing around within so that when I feel the need to wretch it just aches like when you have twisted and squeezed to the point where there is nothing left and still the feeling, the needing, the aching to drain it all out doesn't stop.

I can feel my heart pounding so loudly against my chest it reverberates in every part of my body especially my head which is flooded like it has to swim through goo in order to process information.

My breathing feels laborious like at any moment I might take my last breath.

As I look around people are laughing and carrying on as if all is right in the world.

Here I stand, carrying on as well.

My strength astounds me. That I am able to put all of this aside and act normal. To portray the person I don't feel inside. Whether that is because of the numbness or the agony, so great that surviving is the only way to go, I wish I knew.

But I won't let them see me give in. I won't allow that to happen. I am stronger than even I give myself credit for.

Instead I hold my head high and act the performance of a lifetime because in my perfect world people that respect me as I respect them would not betray me like this.

Quote

I love this quote and saw it on a coffee mug in Starbucks today.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, it became a beautiful butterfly.

Proverb

Grace in small things - birthday love; edition nine

This Grace in small things is dedicated to birthdays and the things I love.

1. Free things - emails, coupons and singing that only come once a year

• Starbucks - a free coffee
• IHOP - free breakfast
• Red Robin - free burger
• Baskin Robbins - free scoop
  

2. Coffee - waking up slowly, making a cup of coffee and then going back to bed even just for 10 more minutes

3. Movies - I love going to a good movie and AMC Theaters is awesome with their $5 movies before noon; I will be viewing the Expendables this birthday

4. Not being bogged down by gifts, but rather enjoying sentimental moments and the people I love

5. All the incredibly, wonderful calls I will invariably receive with loud, obnoxious singing, but filled with love. Also accompanied by the cards that are sent in the mail.

extra credit grace -
all the people who truly care enough
to vote for my video contest entry
to WIN a month in the wilderness backpacking
courtesy of NOLS
CLICK HERE to support me

what birthday things do you love?

WHO do they think they are?

I have completely dismantled the couch.

I am sitting here with one pillow behind me and all others on the floor, including the big fluffy pillows that I lean on when sitting on the couch.

All day, my kitties have been trying to sit on me.

I guess they missed me a bit this past weekend.

But alas, I am such an ass. I am on the computer (big surprise, huh?) and therefore, they know there is not enough room for me, the computer and a cat. Which means, they REALLY want to sit on my lap.

Kinda like when I read a book. They want all the attention and will practically fling the book out of my hands, just to distract me. Or when I am watching tv, they want to do yoga on the coffee table - directly in my eye line. Or when I go to eat, they begin to vomit up something, anything to get attention so I will put my food down so the other may sample what I have made.

I try to encourage them to sit next to me.

F*ck no!
They refuse.

Instead they stalk off, only to come back ten minutes later and try again.

Maybe, just maybe, I have changed my mind.

I cuddle with them. I pet them. I pull them in. I kiss and talk to them. But seriously, what do they want?

Oh yeah, to sit exactly where the computer is. And I am not allowed to move. If I move, they will either bite me (Izabel) or get up and stalk off (Tuesday). I don't have the patience for that. Just too tired today.

So as the day has progressed, I have one at a time, taken a pillow off the couch and tossed it on the floor. I then spend five minutes making loving noises and patting the couch next to me. Coaxing them to reside next to me. Wherein both the cats glare at me and cuss inside. Then stand up, pivot around and stalk off, giving me a nice picture of their ass. What they think of me - I am sure.

They are relentless.

I would be annoyed except they slept suctioned next to me all night long. A sign of affection. In a really messed up way.

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PS PLEASE GO HERE to vote for my video and help me win a month backpacking in the wilderness courtesy of NOLS (click thumbs up that is top, right of the video)